where to begin really?

not even sure how i feel yet so how can i tell anyone else? the man with the plan was home for less than two weeks, but it wasn't all bad. i only managed to cry once, and well i deserved to. he is on his way back to the hell hole of sand again, should be in country sometime today or tomorrow. i dunno haven't hear anything since 15 minutes before his plane left. i watched that plane til i couldnt' see it anymore. and yes i cried most of the way home. at least we had fun that last day, bowling bbq and ice cream. and whats awesome? he wasn't even antisocial at keegans party/ =) but that is on the more recent end of things. the weekend before he came home i had the best night i've had in years. got to see adam and get smashed downtown. i loved it. wish i could go again, even without the drinking it would be epic. keegan came home a couple days after that. and omg he's huge. he says open and yellow and on and off...and so much more. he's still not walking but we are working on it a bit more. he starts day care tuesday so that should help. and jason flew in on the lil mans birthday. hard to believe he is already two. we took him for a haircut, and he looks like a boy now. lol. we had his party that saturday and let me tell you what he was fully spoiled, wish some more peopel had showed, but ti was a good group. my two closest friends were there Adam and Kristel. it was good. next week kind of passed in ablur and here i am. i feel disconnected and out of it, can't seem to form a coherent thought. was jsut told i'm being "erased" for lack of a better word. my best friend of nearly 4 years has to cut me off from contacting him. i can live without him but i'll be miserable at best. i jsut hurt from it and there is no real explanation yet. maybe i will try posting again later when my brain works


sorry this went worse than i thought it would